i think of u

I still can't help but feel like after all this time you've still been the benchmark of all relationships I've ever had. I probably can't say the same for you though, you trigger happy, love hungry child. It was really the hardest thing in the world for me to see you again although my reaction was not what I had expected at all. I totally lost it. It's so uncharacteristic of me to lose it like that. I guess some effects just don't wear off over time. 

You have always had the ability to get under my skin in the best and worst possible way. 

Maybe you're right, maybe it isn't possible for us to be friends. Maybe it never will be.

I've dragged this out for as long as I could have because I love you and I wanted for us to have a fair chance. I don't want this to end in a way where we have to resent each other, and I don't want to prolong what I know is already coming. You're a wonderful and beautiful person. I've had many happy days with you and I will always cherish everything that you've done. 

I just know that you're not the one. The older I get the more I realize I'm running out of time, and I don't want to waste anymore time. This isn't a bad thing. We are just a combination of two very different people, and that's completely fine. You've done nothing wrong. The last thing I want is for you to change any aspect of yourself to make me happy. But I know what true love and happiness feels like.. and right now I feel like I'm just fooling myself into thinking that I'm truly happy when I'm really just safe and comfortable. It's not at all fair to you and I want you to know that you can go so far in your life if you just focus on yourself. Maybe this will be a realization for you to get your shit together and finally follow your dreams.

For now, I have a lot on my plate. I need to take care of myself before I worry over anyone else. 

I hope you understand. 

I love you.

Marriage is such a scary thing. How do you know when you've found the one? I asked my mom this question. After being married for 25 years she tells me it's more to do with who you can tolerate for the rest of your life. Ive always imagined myself years from now being able to wake up next to the same person and still be in love. Maybe that's foolish of me. But I don't expect much less.

I guess when the time is right I'll know. It has to be someone I want to do everything with, share every experience, not because I can tolerate them but because I want to share every aspect of my life, down to the stupid little things.. I've experienced enough to know exactly what I want. But..

Marriage is just so.. final. Finality is intimidating. As I get older everyone around me is hooking up and creating lives together. Im just over here trying to get a six pack and graduate already lol. Maybe I'll never get married. Who knows. Who knows..

Things would be different now.

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why. mustifeelthisway.

anyways.

I just got accepted into San Jose State. (FINALLY). Two more years and I'm out of this beezy! wahoo!

So interesting reading old blog posts.. can't believe I'm still writing in you. Evolution of Trinh and thought process through the years and I would like to think I'm a tad wiser now. Just a tad.

I need to find a new job. I'm starting to feel very claustrophobic and trapped at BC. Working with your boyfriend is a bad idea. Never again.

The promotion is nice and super flexible scheduling keeps me even more comfortable. I need to branch myself out of my comfort zone and apply to maybe some higher fine dining establishments. Also, that internship with the East Side Union School District. *complete these goals by the fall semester.

Thinking about the future is scary. I can't let anything get in the way of what I want for myself.

Stay focused now. We're almost there.

Three weeks back in the gym now. Let's hope my progress keeps continuing. Will post pictures laters.

always takes me back to summer nights, long drives, beer pong, cold beaches, that run away with me and forget the world, overwhelming, crazy type of love.

I'm happy that you found your happiness.