how did this journal get in my house??

"Beware: written sloppyish and gramatically incorrect. (too much to get out of my system)"

wtf. 4 years later and I finally see this.

fucking ow

I'm not sure what words I could use to describe the all of these emotions I'm suddenly feeling right now. It's as if they're all jumbled up together so intricately in such a way that causes me to feel nothing at all. So naturally, here I am turning to my trusty old blog. A place where I can pour out all my secrets in such a way where no one can really understand what I'm talking about.. a place that no body knows about. Unless they really know me. Ugh.

I feel so utterly alone.

& not in the sense where I need SOMEONE there for me. My friends, my family, my boyfriend, of course. I love my mom. I love her to death. After all these years of carrying this burden on my own, I finally realize that I'm not doing this alone.

5 years. It would have been 5 years.

20 years for her.

I love you both, with my whole heart. Somewhere if you're listening in on our daily lives, floating around in the sky in a better place, I hope you know that I love you. And you exist to me.

(new female obesession)

a strange illness