august tenth

Wow. I haven't blogged in here for like, ever.

But then again I realize I only resort to writing when I'm going through a rough time somewhere in my life.

I really hope no one reads this shit. -____-

Writing seriously takes a load off of my mind. I created this blog solely for my own purpose. I don't really give a flying fuck what anyone thinks of its contents, given if that said person randomly stumbles across this garbage dump of words and flying hormones. Haha.

Mostly I write to myself.

I always read through these mindless rants and realize how ridiculous I sound, and how much I've grown. Realize certain changes that I've made and need to work on in my life.

Mostly my problems are about boys, honestly.
Seriously.
What.
The.
Fuck.

I've finally found some sort of direction to where I want to go in life. What I want for in my education and career. I think this is the perfect time to work on establishing myself. Make a name for myself. I can have time for a love life later when I'm like, 30 or something. Lol. Typing this and reading it inside my head sounds a little depressing, but how can you blame me when I have not really been single since the age of 15. I'm just not used to it. Yup, that's me. The "relationship" type of girl. Every guy I've met, I've developed an attachment to them. I don't really know how to just "date around", attachment free. I guess that's not in my vocabulary. But at the same time I have a pride the size of the Hindenberg that would never allow me to admit that to any dude, no matter how special you are to me. It's probably my ultimate downfall in a relationship.

I do have regrets. I'm not a perfect person. It's bullshit to me when people say "live life with no regrets". Okay, yeah don't be a dumbass and not learn from your fuck ups Trinh. But seriously. I regret that it ever happened to begin with.

Like the time I let this guy that meant the world to me just walk the fuck out of my life. Because I was prideful, and because I was scared. To be honest, I'm still scared. I'm fucking terrified. I don't know how to take risks and I play it safe because that's all I've ever known. I just wish I knew how he felt.

I don't care.
But I'm dying to know.

Goddammit.

I'm just going to sweep it under the rug with everything else.

And never touch that goddamn rug again. -_____-

car bill is due soon. fml