MID LIFE CRISIS

I think I'm going through a mid life crisis at the age of 19. (:

I guess thought I could do it. Live with this crap lingering and re-occuring over and over hanging over my head. Guess I'm not as strong as I thought. Guess I overestimated myself. It's just getting worse. Usually when something bothers me or causes unwanted emotions to arise, I let it go immediately and forget about it forever. I held onto this one for too long. It's making me nuts in the head and it's not even my fault. And if it was I'd suffer willingly for it.

Thought I always had my friends but they seem to be busy with their own business, so I guess I'll just stay at home most of the time. Family is always first but this family just stresses me out to no end. At least Eric will always be around to entertain even though he doesn't really know anything. LOL. And of course there's my computer and television. Thank goodness.

Finding work proves to be difficult. There's always Milpitas but I dread the thought of driving there and back everyday.. sigh.

Having a love life is more difficult than uplifting.

There's always school. Something that my mother stresses about the most. Figure I'll just do it to make her happy. Figure I'll let this rule my life for now.

Yeah. You can see I'm not in a very dandy mood right now haha. I also figure I'm never going to sell my shit hole car. I'll just pray for someone to hit me and total my car so I can get the money from it. LOL.

I'll let you go forever soon, and when I do you'll be able to do whatever you want. You say that being around me is what you want yet you don't think of the repercussions that come up for me if stay. I guess when it comes down to it, no one wants to admit but you can't have both. It's either one or the other. Maybe the circumstances would have been different if you did things differently in the past, but you can't change that now. And I need to stop living in the past, the only way to stop is to let you go. Otherwise you'd be unhappy for the rest of your life and so would I. And that ladies and gentlemen, is the theory of evolution. HAHA

Trinnnnnnnnnh Phanigga.