Friday, December 3, 2010

Hi Buddy

I'm not your buddy friend. I'm not your friend, PAL. lol where the fuck did I get this from again?

Anyways! Hi. Person who shall not be named. You disappeared off the face of the planet, it's understandable for you to disappear off the face of MY planet. But needless to say you've also gone from all of your other friends' lives. Your best friends. Ones that miss you and care about you but would rather not tamper with your love life, a life that you place on a pedestal higher than everything else that used to be important to you. But who cares. If you're happy then we're ecstatic. This being said with absolutely no sarcasm intended!

I on the other hand. Well, I've got a story for your ass. I've had a big piece of my mind to show you but I don't think I ever can or will. So here it goes into my online diary and perhaps one day you'll stop by and realize that this was meant for you.

Hey bitch! How are you, how's things, how's life. I wouldn't know because you have completely shut me out of every aspect of your existence and vice versa. It's probably better this way, I totally agree. But it still leaves a kind of cliffhanger (at least on my end) on how we never really had a final say to each other. No explanations, no words, just done with. A friendship that lasted through years tossed aside as simple as that. To be honest, you really fucking hurt me. AND IN SO MANY WAYS. It's like I want to kick your fucking face in and never talk to your ass ever again EVEN after you guys break up. But it comes almost naturally to me to think about how you're doing from time to time. It's almost nature for me to worry for you. Did you know why it hurt so much at first though? Well my dear, because I went through soooo much shit for you. I was abused and spat upon for that one whole miserable year when I was with that douche bag (who also will not be named) YET still I talked to you on the daily. I kept the friendship alive. I didn't give a shit what he said and what he did to me because I told myself that no one would be able to get in between us and if he didn't like it he can go eat shit. Well apparently I was wrong, or at least I never meant as much to you as you did to me. Because you threw me away just like that.

To add on top of my new found distaste for you, you actually went and told my boyfriend (or rather ex at the time) the most PERSONAL and private shit of all time. For what? To rub salt in the wound? To taint his memory of me, to change his behavior towards me? Tell me, all for what?? I trusted you with everything I am. To keep my secrets, as I kept yours. The moment you did that, you violated everything and sabotaged all of my confidence and trust in you. From then on it was fair fucking game and I refused to walk around with a scarlet fucking letter on my forehead for you any longer. From that moment on I hated you.

We've been through so much together. I think a part of me will always love you, this is a fact that anyone who ever knew us can tell you. But I was just living with a false memory of you, while you've done the same. Shit, all of my passwords still contain the numbers 23, till this day. Now I feel nothing for you. Not sympathy, not hatred, not love, and certainly not jealousy. Nada. Maybe later on in the future we'll be able to have civilized conversation again. Or maybe I'll never see you again. Until then, person.

Love, Trinh

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